Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
