I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
