i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
