whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
