I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
