the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
