I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
