The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
