I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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