Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
