I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
