I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
