and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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