What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
