Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
