Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
