so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
