I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
