I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
