I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
