Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
