Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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