the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't deserve a penis
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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