Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
