I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
