On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
