i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
