What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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