Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
