I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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