that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
