I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
