His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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