got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
