I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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