Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
