Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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