Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
