She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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