Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
this is an emotional support booty call
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
