Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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