she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
