Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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