Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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