Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
