i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
