so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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