I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
