If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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