Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
