1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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