Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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